Understanding the Difference: Patronising vs. Gaslighting vs. Manipulation #bully

©Can you recognise the subtle but often insidious psychological tactics that erode your trust, confidence while also causing serious harm to your psychological safety & wellbeing in the workplace?

Three of the most common psychological tactics to damage your sense of wellbeing are Patronising, Gaslighting & Manipulation and Why Distinguishing These Matters.  These are common tactics and it is imperative to know the difference and spot the RED FLAGS of each tactic of psychological abuse.  In today’s workplace and beyond, it is so important to know the RED FLAGS and set boundaries.  Emotional intelligence isn’t just a buzzword — it’s a necessity.

Not all uncomfortable interactions are the same — and mislabelling them can do more harm than good.

Patronising often feels like someone speaking down to you. Think: “Let me explain this simply for you…”Studies show patronising communication can trigger stress responses and undermine performance.  (APA PsycNet, Harvard GAP). This is when someone speaks or behaves in a way that suggests they believe you’re less intelligent or capable. It’s often cloaked in politeness — think “bless your heart” or “you tried your best” — but it leaves you feeling belittled. It’s condescending, not necessarily malicious.

Gaslighting goes deeper. It involves manipulating someone into doubting their own memory or perception.

Research now recognises gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse linked to anxiety and cognitive dissonance. (Journal of Family Violence, GREI Validation).

A far more insidious form of psychological manipulation. Gaslighting involves intentionally making someone doubt their own reality, memory, or perception. It’s not just disagreement — it’s a pattern of control. As Psychology Today notes, gaslighting is “an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control” that can lead victims to question their sanity.

Manipulation covers a broader spectrum — from emotional coercion to strategic influence.Whether through guilt-tripping or flattery, manipulation often targets psychological vulnerabilities to gain control. (Oxford Academic, ARTT Research). Manipulation is broader and can range from subtle persuasion to coercive tactics. Unlike gaslighting, it doesn’t always involve distorting someone’s reality — but it does aim to influence behaviour for personal gain.

Understanding these terms isn’t about throwing labels — it’s about protecting mental clarity, building boundaries, and ensuring healthy professional relationships.

Have you noticed these behaviors in the workplace or elsewhere? Let’s share insights that foster empathy and awareness — not confusion.

#Leadership #CommunicationMatters #PsychologicalSafety #GaslightingAwareness #EmotionalIntelligence #LinkedInLearning

Why it matters Recognising these behaviours helps us build healthier teams, foster psychological safety, and advocate for respectful communication. If someone disagrees with you, that’s not gaslighting. But if they consistently make you question your memory or feelings, it’s time to dig deeper.

Let’s keep the conversation going — have you experienced any of these in your professional life?

#EmotionalIntelligence #Leadership #WorkplaceWellbeing #Gaslighting #CommunicationMatters

Patronising Examples

These often come across as condescending or belittling, even if unintentionally.

·        In a meeting: “That’s a cute idea, but let’s hear from someone with more experience.”

·        During feedback: “You did surprisingly well for someone in your position.”

·        In conversation: “Let me explain this in a way you’ll understand.”

·        Body language: Eye-rolling, sighing, or speaking slowly as if to a child.

 Intent: Often masked as helpfulness, but implies superiority.

Gaslighting Examples

This is a manipulative tactic that makes someone question their reality or memory.

·        In a relationship: “I never said that — you must be imagining things.”

·        At work: “You’re being too sensitive. No one else had a problem.”

·        In conflict: “You’re overreacting. That didn’t happen.”

·        Deflection: “You’re just tired. That’s why you’re confused.”

Intent: To destabilize and control by eroding trust in one’s own perception.

Manipulation Examples

This is broader and includes tactics to influence or control for personal gain.

·        Guilt-tripping: “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”

·        Passive aggression: “Fine, do whatever you want — I’m used to being ignored.”

·        Flattery with a catch: “You’re the only one smart enough to handle this… so can you stay late?”

·        Withholding information: “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d say no.”

Intent: To influence decisions or behavior, often subtly or coercively.

References :

 Patronising Behavior, Patronising communication often stems from subtle biases and power dynamics.

Study: The Effect of Patronizing Behavior and Control on Men and Women’s Performance📌Found that patronising feedback (e.g., praise paired with low-status roles) negatively impacted women’s performance in masculine domains like math.🔗 Read the study

·Study: Responses to Patronizing Communication and Factors That Attenuate Those Responses📌Older adults showed increased cortisol levels and reduced cognitive performance when exposed to patronising speech.🔗 APA PsycNet summary

·Study: Consequences of Confronting Patronizing Help for People with Disabilities📌 Individuals who rejected unsolicited help were perceived as less warm, especially blind participants.🔗 Harvard Gender Action Portal

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is increasingly recognized as a form of psychological abuse and coercive control.

Review: Illuminating Gaslighting: A Comprehensive Interdisciplinary Review📌 Synthesizes gaslighting across psychology, sociology, and philosophy. Highlights its role in intimate partner violence and coercive control.🔗 Journal of Family Violence

Study: Gaslighting and Its Application to Interpersonal Violence📌 Developed a gaslighting behavior measure and found strong links to emotional abuse.🔗 Emerald Insight

Tool Validation: Gaslighting Relationship Exposure Inventory (GREI)📌 Validated a scale to measure gaslighting in romantic relationships, showing strong correlation with depression and low relationship satisfaction.🔗 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships

Manipulation, Manipulation spans a wide spectrum, from emotional coercion to strategic influence.

Book: Manipulation: Its Nature, Mechanisms, and Moral Status📌 Defines manipulation as inducing psychological mistakes, including emotional blackmail, flattery, and gaslighting.🔗 Oxford Academic

·Framework: Psychological Manipulation Tactics📌 Categorizes tactics like trolling, impersonation, emotional appeals, and polarization.🔗 ARTT Research

Study: Manipulation Strategies in Interpersonal Relationships📌 Identifies techniques like guilt-tripping, passive aggression, and flattery, and their psychological impact.🔗 See full paper

©No part of this article may be reproduced without prior permission of the author Judith Carmody. The post can be reposted in full giving credit to the author's work.

This survey is part of a research dissertation for a Master of Arts in Leadership in Workplace Health and Wellbeing, Technical University of the Shannon, Ireland.

Content Warning: Please be advised, this article might mention trauma-related topics that include abuse, which could be triggering to the reader. The con­tent pro­vided and in any linked mate­ri­als is not intended and should not be con­strued as med­ical or legal advice. If the reader of this material has a med­ical or legal con­cern, he or she should con­sult with an appropriately health care provider or legal advisor.